Something I really hate dreaming about, when other males don't have a penis! But lots of times that's what I dream about, other males than myself not having a penis! This includes cartoon characters.

Now I'm not trying to sound sick but this really bothers me to no end!

No you're not supposed to be looking at other people's privates, on that I can agree, but I cannot stand even the thought of males being penisless, whether they were born without one or had one and lost it.

To me, that's just inconvenient, to both the other male, and to me, and feels unfair too!

Maybe I have these dreams because more often than not, other people's penises are hidden from me (and with good reason admittedly!) That and the fact that cartoon characters seem like they don't have penises, especially anthropomorphic animals that don't wear clothes. And even human males look penisless, like they were born/made without that member. I even believed cartoon characters didn't have penises and thought it was something I had to imagine.

As I mentioned in my last post, I was exposed to porn at a mighty young age and it put in me an interest in penises, whether used for sex or not. I even used to intentionally peak at other male's privates while in the boy's/men's bathroom or locker room, so I admit I'm guilty of voyeurism! And I got upset when I couldn't see another male's penis!

What is more, I also hate dreaming of males having vaginas instead of penises and hate it when I dream of females having penises, but sometimes I do!

Sometimes other males, even cartoon characters, surprisingly do have penises in my dreams, but not always. And it amazes me even more when I dream of a cartoon character having and showing a penis than a real-live person, especially a human penis even if it's an animal.

It also amazed me to see male cartoon characters standing to pee, something only males can do, that let me know cartoon characters had that part and made me happier. But I wondered which cartoon characters did and which didn't.

And I admit when I was 16, I started looking at cartoon pornography. I felt guilty and dirty, but I was happy to finally see cartoon characters actually have penises, although I was unaware at the time those were exaggerated. Still, I shouldn't have done that, I ruined my life doing that!

However, even when I dream of other males peeing standing up, they're penises are missing! And a lot of times I do try to find penises, especially that of cartoon characters since they're almost never seen with one! But to my dismay, they don't have penises even when I imagine them having one, and that just bothers me, and makes them seem more like females. And i don't like to see or think of other males less masculine than I am, although there are males like that and I have to respect that though it's hard to, but I am trying to be more tolerant of that since I'm effeminate myself and pretend I don't have a penis. And that's just it, I always have a penis in my dream but other males don't for some reason and that's not fair! And although now I know cartoon characters do have penises, though they're unrealistic, I STILL have dreams of penisless male cartoon characters and even penisless real-world males!

I also hate dreaming of seeing females in the boy's/men's bathrooms, and especially hate seeing females use the urinals instead of or in addition to the males! And even when I was aware I was dreaming, I tried making the females leave but they don't and more females show up! Even in my dreams I hate it when females are in a bathroom meant only for males! But I feel powerless in my dreams!

I should have control within my dreams but it seems I have less control in my dreams than the real world. And I have my own set of rules for my imaginations and dreams but often these rules are broken and it's frustrating! And I don't want to just accept my dreams, I have standards for them. And one of my rules, ALL males I dream about regardless of what they are MUST have a penis, and pee standing up. No male should be penisless or have something other than a penis, especially a vagina, I hate dreaming of males having that! Another rule, no females should have penises or pee standing up, and no females in the boy's/men's bathrooms! But a lot of times these rules get broken and it's annoying and frustrating, especially when this constantly happens! And I hate it when things don't happen in my dreams the way I want them to! It's hard enough not having control of the real world, which we all must accept, but not having control in dreams, that's even worse, especially when your dreams go the partly or thoroughly the opposite of how you want them to!

And I've even retrained my mind so that my chances of having dreams I want/prefer increase, and having dreams I don't want to have decrease but I still have unwanted dreams!

Why is this happening to me? Most importantly, why do I dream of other males, especially but not limited to cartoon characters, not having a penis? 

Again, I know it's wrong to look at other people's privates, but dreaming of males with missing penises is just unacceptable to me! I always want males in my dreams to have a penis, even if they're not circumcised (and I'm sorry but I like circumcised penises better, I'm circumcised and thankful for it.) But I'd rather have an uncircumcised male than a eunuch, including in my dreams and even if the penis is less realistic (admittedly a realistic cartoon penis is too much to expect!)

How do I fix this, other than viewing pornography! Viewing porn makes me feel guilty. On the other hand, I don't see anything wrong with even cartoon males having penises, that's how males really were created and designed and I absolutely wouldn't have it any other way!

What does this tell you about me? Again, I'm not trying to be bad or sound sick, I'm just really disturbed and insecure!