Hi Anonymous -
I think it is natural for you to dream about past traumatic events. My one piece of advice - if you wish to not dream about the instances anymore - is that you allow yourself to talk about it with your friends - perhaps even initiate the conversation yourself - as you have here with me.
You may not want to discuss this old relationship and the feelings you have that attend it with your husband, and that is fine, I think. I do not know, from your dream report, whether you still have any contact with your old boyfriend. I think it is evident that - although you had to remove yourself from the relationship, as you recognized its unhealthiness and dysfunctionality - you don’t hold any grudges or anger toward him. In that sense, I think you still care about him, probably wonder how he is doing from time to time, and probably still are very concerned that he is killing himself with alcohol - hence the deams where you are shouting at him about the state he is in.
Alcoholism is one of the saddest diseases around. Like I said, I think it’s natural to care, but unfortunately, as you learned a while ago, until your friend decides to try to stop using, there’s little, if anything, that you can do. Your friend will have to hit rock bottom - usually abetted by wrecking the car and several DUI’s, if not worse, and then slowly pull his way up and out of the nightmare. It’s a hard situation. I feel sorry for your friend. But it’s his choice.
REPLY:
...As for your suggestion to speak about these dreams - I have for awhile spoke with friends and relatives about these “past traumatic events” dreams; not in tremendous detail, but just the fact that I keep dreaming them and don’t know why or when they’ll stop. I have also mentioned it to my husband, again not in great detail (and certainly not how often!), but that they are there, etc. And yes, I guess in some very SMALL way, I care about him, but with everything I’ve been through with him, I feel nothing but complete relief that I’m not at all involved with him. Also, no, I don’t have any contact with him now whatsoever. Maybe it will just take a great deal of time before the pain really heals and I'll be rid of these dreams!
Hi Anonymous -
I agree. Time is a great healer. And there’s nothing wrong with caring about a friend’s well-being.
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