Hi Anonymous—
Thank you for sharing your dreams, which I know have been disturbing. While two possible explanations exist for the dreams, there is only one appropriate course of action.
An obvious interpretation of your dream—which shows you engaging in sex with both your wife and your stepdaughter—is that you have developed a romantic attraction to your stepdaughter. This attraction was fostered during a difficult period with your wife, that drew her away from yourself (and from the family), and that also brought your relationship with your stepdaughter closer, as you worked together to keep the family whole.
A second interpretation, however, would take into account the understanding that sex in dreams often is a metaphor for nurturing and healing. In this framework, the activities in your dreams may take on a different perspective. Both women offer their love and support to you, which may symbolize the gratitude they feel for your efforts to sustain the family. Significantly, neither women is upset or offended by the other’s presence, and they also are not sexually attracted to each other. While the dream does appear to court a sexual fantasy, it also works hard to make the nurturing aspect of the sexual act apparent.
Having romantic attractions to people whom we know, admire, and work closely with is normal. A hallmark of a mature sexuality, however, is to know the difference between appropriate and inappropriate levels of intimacy, especially with people who are much younger than ourselves. An intimate relationship with your stepdaughter always would be damaging to her. She is looking to you for support and guidance, and needs to find an appropriate outlet for her emerging sexuality. Even if the invitation to become closer were offered, a mature mind needs to recognize the invitation as a confused compliment, and keep the boundary firmly in place. She will thank you in the future, that a confusing period emotionally never was taken advantage of.
The solution to your dilemma is easy. Care for your stepdaughter’s emotional development must remain paramount in your mind in your relationship with her. Your attention to your stepdaughter also cannot come at the expense of your emotional relationship with your wife. If you keep the best interests of every player in this triangle in mind, you will emerge with three happy and healthy souls.
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