Hi Jen—
I’m very sorry to learn about Chrystal’s passing. It is always hard to leave a good friend behind.
When the dead come to visit us in our dreams, we often ask them how they could possibly be alive again, when we know that they are dead? The dead often explain that they didn’t really die. They just went away for a while, and now they are back.
In your dream Chrystal informs you that she didn’t really die either. She decided to hide for a while, so she could find out who her “real” friends are. Instead of being happy to see your old friend though, you soon begin to feel like you are haunted by a ghost. Chrystal won’t let you out of the car, and at one point you even walk into a bathroom full of blood. (Did Chrystal die in a bathroom?)
Chrystal next challenges you to prove your friendship. At one point she even tells you that you have to “come with her,” and that “you’re not getting out.” Distrusting this uncomfortable vision, you refuse to go.
Often when our friends die suddenly, and at a young age, those of us who are left behind feel a weird touch of “survivor guilt.” Why did we live, we ask, when our best friend died? Should we have died instead of our friend? Is it fair for us to go on living, when our best friend doesn’t have the same option?
I am sure this dream spooked you, Jen. In it, Chrystal acts like an unfriendly ghost, and as you say, it was “freaky.” I encourage you to recognize, however, that this dream isn’t about Chrystal coming back. To the contrary, it’s really a reflection of yourself wrestling with the difficult questions posed by Chrystal’s death. Is it fair for you to go on living? Should you come and join her - so that you two still are together? Indeed, what would a “real” friend do?
While Chrystal’s life had a sad ending, I am sure that, as a “real friend,” she only wants happiness and success in your own life. Accordingly, I believe you (and your boyfriend) are wise to distrust this distorted image of friendship that appears in your dream.
What’s the message? It’s time to let go of these old ideals of friendship, and to let go of your guilt about Chrystal’s death. Real friends celebrate each others success, and wouldn’t deny anyone an hour of life in the sun.
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