lose my baby

Hi Jeremia -

I know you found this dream disturbing - for many reasons - and I hope I can relax some of your fears.

First of all, I want you to know that in no way do I believe this dream to be psychic, precognitive, or foreshadowing of your future. Rather, I think it is a fairly straightforward representation of your emotions and concerns right now as you progress on the always perilous path toward motherhood.

Dreams are representations of feelings and awarenesses that currently are on our minds. Your baby is due in four months - so therefore I find it entirely natural that you are dreaming of making preparations for its arrival. Your dream begins with you out shopping for a stroller. Due to your past difficulties, your concerns about your ability to carry your baby to its full term soon are represented. Suddenly your water breaks and - lo and behold - in the middle of the store - you give birth to a new baby girl. In the dream, however, your real world awareness that it is too early for you to deliver your child - you are only five months pregnant - is included. Your dream baby is tiny - small enough to “fit in the palm of my hand.”

Despite that you are surrounded by people - no one notices that you have just given birth. Even more disturbing, however, is your husband’s reaction. When he appears in the dream, you show him the baby, and instead of him being excited and goo-gooing over his brand new baby girl - all he says is “Oh” - and then he quickly asks you where the cat is.

At this point, it is clear that your dream is reflecting many of the difficult feelings you have experienced in the wake of so many recent disappointments. The dream shows that you are feeling isolated in your emotions - which is represented by the fact that no one pays attention to your delivery in the store. The fact that your husband appears to be too busy looking for “Junior” continues this theme of isolation. You definitely feel he is not giving you enough support - or sharing in your enthusiasm for successful delivery.

The dream also shows that, after all your previous attempts, you are feeling a bit “singled out” by the world - and are feeling isolated in this sense as well. This is the symbolic significance of all the people staring at you. And again, it is significant to note that your husband also is among this group - and that he does not move to get you the blanket when you ask him. Perhaps you feel like he also is beginning to see you as “different.”

The end of your dream certainly is a representation of all your greatest fears rolled into one. After you successfully feed your baby, you ask your husband to watch her. Not one second goes by before you hear the baby scream, and you turn around to see that Junior, your husband’s favorite cat, has attacked her - mutilating her face, and ultimately, killing her. The crowd, previously merely stand-offish, now turns openly hostile against you. A woman informs you that they will not call 911 because “Your baby was not a real baby anyways, she was born too soon.” Meanwhile your husband again completely ignores you, and the death of his baby girl, and is excited only to have found his cat again. You are left alone - crying and mourning the loss of your child.

I am sure you are puzzled by your husband’s behavior in the dream. First, I think it is important to recognize that, in all likelihood, your difficulties delivering your babies, in addition to being hard on yourself, certainly have been hard on him. I suspect that he is a bit confused by the difficulty, and may feel a bit withdrawn himself - hence his own isolation in the dream. His preoccupation with the cat in the dream - and his genuine affection for the cat in real life - most likely reflects a substitution for the caring that he very much wants to shower upon a new child. Cats are frequent symbols for babies in dreams because they are about the same size, we carry them cradled in our arms and draped over our shoulders (just like we do newborns), and we are responsible for feeding and caring for them. In other words, your husband’s bonding with the cat may be a way that he is fulfilling both his desire and need for that paternal relationship - as I know you both have had your hopes up several times now.

The good news about your current situation, of course, is that all the odds are in your favor. Nevertheless, your dream shows that you are nervous and feel isolated and need more support. Have you and your husband been to see a doctor together - have you included him in learning about ectopic pregnancies and ways to reduce the very common (25% of all pregnancies) occurrence of miscarriage? I’m not sure if you have or haven’t - but your dream suggests that he needs to be included more than he is. I would avoid becoming hostile or angry with your husband based upon his behavior in this dream. The dream suggests that he is in considerable pain himself - and that he doesn’t know how to play a supportive role in a situation which he feels powerless to change.

For more information on miscarriages, why don’t you both visit the American Pregnancy Association. Use their search engine for more information. I think you will be encouraged by what you read. I wish you the best of luck with your new baby (congratulations!) and have every confidence you will meet with success! Good luck!

Jeremia Replies

Thank you so much for your information. You certainly are very insightful about the dream. It does make a lot of sense. In a lot of ways my husband is definitely involved, but I don’t feel that he understands me completely. I feel like I have let him down, due to me losing all the other babies. He tells me he loves me no matter what, but I know I sometimes wonder. I am still pregnant, and waiting for this beautiful baby to be born....By the way, I had an ultrasound done yesterday...the doctor thought the baby is going to be a girl, just like my dream.

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