Hi Chantal -
When your doctor informed you that you might, under extraordinary circumstances, one day regret your decision to tie your tubes, he was performing his duty to advise you of all possible scenarios that might affect your decision. Unfortunately, his words of caution - that you might one day lose a child - appear to have awakened within you every mother’s deepest fear.
It is a curiosity of dreams that our fears and anxieties often seem better represented than our hopes and desires. (It is also true that we tend to remember disturbing dreams more than others). But given the background you have provided, your dreams most likely are nothing more than literal representations of the bleak picture which your doctor painted. In other words, the death of a child is every parent’s greatest fear, and your dream simply is reflecting this fear. Accordingly, I do not think your dream is precognitive - nor does it subconsciously indicate that you “want” your daughter to die. To the contrary, your dreams show that you care for your children very much.
It is natural to feel a bit of the “jitters” when we commit to a big decision in our lives. The reason why your doctor cautioned you about your tubal ligation procedure is because, in most cases, it is irreversible. Another factor entering his mind is your age. You are a young woman, and your life will change a great deal in the next ten years.
When all is said and done though, no one knows your body better than you do. And I see no reason, from this dream, to doubt your intuition. In fact, why don’t you practice the following visualization when you lay down to sleep tonight?
Picture your children at all stages of their development. See them riding bikes, flying kites, playing with cats and dogs. See them in school and making friends. See their first dates and senior proms. See them graduating high school and setting out to college. See Mom and Dad (that’s you and your husband, now!) also - growing into a happy and healthy marriage as well. Having fun, making time for each other, and working hard to be the best parents you can.
If that’s the “dream future” you and your husband want, then there’s nothing that can stop you both from building it. Start today!
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