lose my baby

I am married to an army soldier, we live on a military base. I am currently pregnant, in my 5th month with my 6th pregnancy. I only have had one live birth, due to the many pregnancy complications I have experienced: 2 miscarriages and 2 ectopic pregnancies. I have been really worried about this pregnancy and the outcome. We want to have a baby so bad...We have 3 cats as pets. “Junior” in the dream is the actual name of one of our cats...my husband’s favorite.


I am living in an army base. I am 5 months pregnant or so. I go to a baby store to look at strollers. I notice there are only two left, so I hurry up and get one before anyone else does. As I am looking it over, my water breaks. I give birth to a little baby girl. I am surrounded by people, but no one notices it. The baby fits in the palm of my hand, she is so tiny. At first I am scared, because I know she is so little. But she is alive and looks at me with love. I wrapped her up in a blanket. I remind myself to pay for that blanket before I leave the store.

My husband walks in. I show him the baby, he says “Oh” and proceeds to ask me where Junior is. Junior is our cat. I was like, “Who cares? What about the baby? Don’t you care about our baby?” My husband leaves, I guess he is still looking for the cat. I hold the baby close to me and I walk to a couch I see in the store. There is a pretty girl sitting there, waiting to get her hair done. I say, “Do you mind if I sit here? I am going to nurse my baby.” She looks at me weird and gets up as quickly as possible. She and many other strangers in the store surround me in the couch, looking at me, whisphering. I’m thinking..“What is their problem? Haven’t they ever seen a woman nurse her baby before?”

I see my husband; he is back. I asked him to please give me a blanket to cover myself with while I nurse. He doesn’t move. He just stares at me, like all the others. Someone, finally, throws me a sheet to cover myself. She tried to not get too close to me.

I don’t really care about them, at this point. I start nursing my baby and I am relieved I am making enough milk for her. My baby looks at me, again, with love. I think to myself: “All she needed was to eat. She will be OK from now on.”

After I am done nursing I burp the baby and then lay her down on the couch. I ask my husband to watch her. I want to get some baby stuff before we leave the store. Not even a second later I hear the baby scream at the top of her lungs. I turn around and I see my husband by the couch, holding our cat. I run and pick up the baby; the cat had jumped on her face and smashed it all up, just like as if she was made of PlayDough. My husband kept saying: “Oh, there you are! My precious cat! I’ve missed you!” I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I looked at my baby, my heart pounding. I noticed she wasn’t breathing - had no heartbeat. I screamed to all the strangers there. “Call 911! My baby is dying!” No one moved. Finally a lady came forward, she said, “No. We are not calling anyone. She is not a real baby anyways, she was born too soon.”

I screamed “No! No!” as I held her in my arms. “She is a real baby! She is my baby!” I fell to the ground with her in my arms and I cried and cried. I thought to myself, how unfair, to go through all of this and have this baby die too. 

--Jeremia, AZ, USA

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