Hi Tamsin -
When we suddenly are caught in a raging gun duel in our dreams, most of us awaken surprised. Why were people trying to kill me, we ask? What was I doing with a gun in my hand? How could I have possibly shot all those people?
I doubt you've ever been shot at in real life - but you've certainly watched a lot of gun battles on TV or at the movies. (By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television.) The answer to your question is that - through the consistent displays of violence that we watch on television and at the movies - guns in dreams have become familiar metaphors for attacking and being attacked.
Dreams of being shot at reflect feelings of "being attacked" in our waking lives. In your most recent dream it was a single male - shooting at you from a moving car that was up on two wheels before it righted itself (this also sounds like a movie). You identify your marriage as a likely source of stress. Is it possible the single male represents your husband, whom you feel occasionally attacks you? The soldiers and thugs, in previous dreams, suggest authority figures and "sneak attacks" respectively.
If the situation were reversed - if you were the aggressor shooting bullets into a crowd - these dreams most likely would represent your own aggressive feelings - anger or frustration - coupled with a desire to strike out. The final outcome in dreams always is telling. In the dream it is highly significant that you are only grazed by the bullet, and not killed. This outcome tells us that you view yourself as a survivor.
The pain you experience in the dream reflects the emotional pain you've recently endured, but your report suggests that you've already pulled through the trying times. Like we said - you're a survivor!