Hi Anonymous—
Dreams of jails and prisons are familiar metaphors for feelings concerning “crimes and punishment.” Accordingly, the background that your provide, that you and your wife both have committed “crimes of adultery” in your relationship—her before you were married, and you, it is implied, since—most likely explains this dream’s context.
Murder in dreams, when we willingly commit the act, is a metaphor for anger, and for desires to “make someone go away.” Because you commit the act in self-defense at first, the dream is referencing the prior act committed by your wife. She is the original criminal, and in the dream you feel threatened for your safety and well-being. What is curious about your dream, however, is that you shoot your wife after you initially recognize her. The second shot confirms the anger that you still hold for her, for the initial act of betrayal.
Given the background that you provide, the dream appears to represent the emotional sequence of events in your romantic lives. Her initial infidelity caused a huge upwelling of emotional hurt—represented by the large threat attacking your home. Significantly, in the dream your wife asks you to shoot her—a sign that she accepts your punishment, and your anger for the betrayal. At the end of the dream, after you shoot her in the neck, you tell her you will always love her, and she kisses you. Despite the shooting, your love for each other is confirmed.
Betrayals of trust are very difficult in relationships. Because you both have committed the same act, you at least share sympathy for how the act can occur. Your dream clearly reflects anger toward your wife, but her willingness to accept your anger, and your mutual declarations of love at the end of the dream, both are positive signs.
The dream suggests that you both have learned from these events, and hopefully will be able to place them in appropriate perspective. A truth is that we all are human, and that these things happen. The real test is whether or not your relationship is strong enough to survive—because what you have together outweighs anything you have with anyone else. From your dream report you both appear to be committed to staying together; You do not indicate otherwise. I hope the event, instead of pushing you apart, is able ultimately to bring you closer together. If you are still hurt and angry this may seem a distant or unrealistic goal—but hundreds of thousands of couples have learned to forgive their partner’s “crimes,” and resume a relationship that works closely to support each other’s mutual goals.
Dreams reflect feelings and awarenesses that are on our minds—usually the day or two, or week, prior to the dream. I am curious if you can identify the recent event that caused this dream—and the strong feelings it represents—to reawaken?
Dear Dream Doctor—
Thank you for your comments. My wife and I thought they were very profound.
You mentioned that dreams reflect emotions from a day or two or even a week ago. A few days ago, my wife mentioned she will be going home in a month to visit family. I would not be able to join her because of my job. The concern or fear that I have is that the person she cheated with still lives in that city. I do have a concern about her being there and not me. I guess I feel I can maybe prevent things from happening. I have an obvious trust issue. One of the reasons I wanted to move far enough away is to prevent the threat of her being with him again.
You are right that I still have some anger. Much more controlled, but still there. There is no one else in the world I rather be with. I know that 100%. But I am still angry.
Part of my not trusting her fully is because she did not confess the infidelity to me. I found out. She denied and lied about important details for months. She finally after a long period of time told me other things and said she was not hiding any more details. This was several months before our wedding. Since then, and we have been married for a little over a year, I have had dreams where I find out that she was doing more than what she told me, and dreams where she was with more than one person. I had a dream about her being with the guy she cheated with after we were married, a couple of weeks before the shooting dream. I guess I am feeling that there still may be something else or she may have felt more for him than what she told me. She says there is not and urges me to give her another chance at fully having trust in her. Obviously, I was devastated by this.
I have told her of my wrong doings because of my pain and anger and we both are committed to saving the relationship and will seek professional assistance to do so. Well, let me not say saving. We have no intentions or thoughts of separating. We are both committed to finding a way to get past this.
Despite all of this pain inside us, we really do have a good time together. Our good times totally outweigh the bad. But it seems that her initial act of infidelity is the thorn we can not get out of our relationship.
We read your comments very carefully and thought about things going on with our lives. We are confident that things will work out.
Thank you.
Hi Anonymous—
Your story gives hope and demonstrates a path to success for every couple who has ever faced a similar predicament. Forgiveness and the willingness to trust again are acts of strength and compassion. May your love grow ever stronger.
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