online cheating

Hi Debbie -

Just when you think you’ve put those old demons to rest, they come flying back out of the closet, ready to haunt you again! Before you get too distraught over this dream though (and start kicking him out), a few items included in your report are worth reviewing.

First, it’s important to recall that this is not the first time you have had an “infidelity dream.” For better or worse, dreams of a partner wandering (or leaving) actually are fairly common. And, as you point out, they typically occur when we are feeling especially jealous or insecure.

What is curious about your recent dream is that it occurs when you have been feeling neither emotion. Your life in the last few years has taken a decided turn for the better. You are a manager at work, and in your personal life you are facing problems instead of avoiding them. You even recently returned to college, where you are doing well. So why this dream, and why now?

I am curious if your husband’s new office isn’t a source of greater concern than previously you imagined. In the dream, the new office is the location of the infidelity. The new office also is the one factor in the equation—judging by your dream report—that has changed recently. Has the uncertainty of the new office caught the attention of your wary, unconscious eye? Is it also possible that you are worried about what new staff may be hired at the location - who might just find your hubby fair game?

It would indeed be a “terrible blow” to learn of an infidelity in your marriage—your dream leaves little doubt of that. My suspicion, however, is that your dream is a simple repeat of your former “anxiety dreams,” brought on by your husband’s new work environment. Given your 19 year track record of fidelity together, I also believe your husband deserves the benefit of the doubt, while you deserve the benefit of an unworried heart.

In the meantime, have you given yourself credit for the dramatic metamorphosis of these infidelity dreams? You used to feel like you couldn’t make it without him in these dreams, and you would beg him to stay. Now you realize that you will be fine without him, and that you will find love again. (This is before you tell him to hit the road!) All that hard work you’ve been doing is paying off, Debbie. You’re growing stronger by the minute!

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