hiding my lover

Hi Confused—

Is this dream really so hard to understand? Affairs, while they may be exciting, are hard work! There is so much lying, pretending, and covering up to do! It can be exhausting—just trying to keep your story straight!

Your dream uses a familiar metaphor to show the proximity, mentally, of your spouse. Even when you are in bed with your lover, your husband never is far from your thoughts. In the opening scene he is located in another room, just behind a “curtain.” Then, when you move with your lover to a bathroom for privacy, your husband’s presence still is felt. He comes in to tend to the dryer in the next room, and you are about to “lose your mind”—for fear of being discovered.

Houses in dreams are common symbols for the self, and it appears that your affair has created a house divided. A curtain hangs between your bedroom and sitting room (a curtain of silence, that hangs between your private and public lives?), while your lover’s cot in the bathroom suggests that he too occupies a compartmentalized arrangement in your mind.

Bathrooms in dreams are locations where private acts and behaviors, that we frequently feel ashamed of, are performed. Accordingly, the location of your lover’s cot in the bathroom suggests he is an activity that is private, and that you are not especially proud of. In the same light, your attempts to pull laundry (clean) from the toilet bowl may symbolize your efforts to “wash” and “keep clean” guilty feelings you hold about your affair.

Finally, the belt in your dream is a reminder that, no matter how hard you work to conceal your footsteps, affairs always cause us to look twice in the mirror (or in the bedroom), to see if any traces of our clandestine activities are exposed.

Your dream is confusing because you wonder if it is precognitive. (Will this nightmare happen in real life?) If the stress of maintaining a secret from your husband is growing to be a burden, why don’t you take this dream as a sign that it’s time to seize control of your future yourself? In other words, it may be time to tell your online friend—to “log off.” The thrill isn’t worth it, and your partner deserves better.

Once this odyssey is over, you will be able to sit back and enjoy all the things you don’t have to worry about. Then you will truly understand the wisdom of the old saying: “You can’t buy peace of mind.”

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