first words

I’m a 21 year old male from South Africa. I’m currently studying in Pretoria, which is about one hundred miles away from my home, which is in Durban. From 1994 to 1996, the last three years of my schooling career, I took a liking to a girl who was two years younger than me. She knew that I was interested, but I just could not bring myself to go up and to talk to her. Incidentally, she was very beautiful. She was not like the rest of the girls, she was very quiet and usually kept to herself.

I knew that there was something between us because we were always casting those secret glances at each other. She knew I was looking at her and I knew that she was looking at me. Her friends told me that if I had to ask her out she would say yes. BUT I did not. Now when I think about it, I become struck by an overwhelming sense of regret. I also found out that she was not as innocent as I made her out to be. She was known to have a number of boyfriends.

Between 1997 and 2000 I did not really think about her much, but just yesterday I had this extremely long dream about her, it involved us being back at school together, we were on a field-trip. I don’t remember much of the details but I know that we had a marvellous time and at the end I kissed her. I recently found out that she is studying at one of the colleges in Durban. I also know that she has steady boyfriend. I heard about this a few months ago, so I don’t know if she is still going out with him. I will be going back home soon, so I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it all means because I’m contemplating on going to see her and to tell her what I should have told her years ago. It all sounds a bit silly because we don’t even know each other, personally that is. Do you think that I’m doing the right thing? PLEASE HELP! 

—Ruven, Age 21, Single, Male, Pretoria, SOUTH AFRICA

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