I’m a 17 year old who has been recently diagnosed with Depression. I have also been struggling with the urges I have of commiting suicide.
For four nights in a row I have been dreaming of my Creative Writing teacher, Mrs. Johnson, who has been a great support ever since I confessed to her that I was suicidal and very severly depressed.
In the first dream I was in her class and she had just announced the assignment of the day which was to write of our plans for New Years Eve. I told the class of my wish to celebrate New Year’s Eve at a ritzy New York City restaurant. The restaurant would overlook Times Square. There would be excellent music and a grand feast. I would be wearing a beautiful evening gown with lots of sequins.
When I told the class of my wish she began to make fun of me. She told the entire class that I was too poor and I would never be able to celebrate a New Year’s Eve as such. She stood there in front of the class making fun of me for the whole period, laughing and mocking me.
The second night I had a dream that she, Mrs. Johnson, was my sister. She loved me lots. She had taken me shopping in Greenwich Village into these small thrift store like shops. She bought me a suede leather skirt with a rainbow Native American print on it.
The third night I had a dream that she left her husband and began to date one of the security guards at our school.
The fourth night I had a dream that a group of her students including me went on a field trip with her to City Hall. We were having a seminar on racism and stereotypes. We (the students) had discussions and played games. For lunch we ate pizza. There was also a radio playing in the background. My X-boyfriend was there and so were his friends.
All of a sudden Mrs. Johnson stood up and announced to the class that I was suicidal. I was planning to jump off the balcony at City Hall. She started laughing and repeating over and over again that I was stupid and suicidal . . . stupid and suicidal. Everyone one was laughing and laughing. The students started calling me crazy and pointing at me. I was so angry at hearing their deafening laughs that I started hurtling people across the room. I started to kill people, slit their throats with my mind. (Very much like Carrie, in the movie, did at her prom.) The only person that was left unharmed was my teacher because she was pregnant.
--Jenilee, Age 17, Single, Norwalk, CT, USA
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