i have not been in a relationship for years so not romantic. i am on disability so not employed.
i actually had four separate end of the world dreams last night and haven't had them before. each dream i know the end is near and i am so afraid. i didn't want to die.
i had a falling out with my brother last year and i don't trust him any more. he is not in my life and never really has been except that i lived next door for a couple of years in florida. all other times i've lived out of state. we have never been close. my two grown boys are always on my mind. they live out of state in new mexico and don't call me much. they want their privacy. i live with my mom in mississippi and when she dies which isn't soon i will have to live with one of my 3 kids. i live in same town as grown daughter. i don't like my future prospects but this is nothing new. a subject on my mind a lot is depression and finding something fulfilling in life to do.
this is one other dream last night:
end of the world. i am worried the world will end. i am in church. preacher asks who reads their bible. hands go up. who reads every day. i don't read at all any more but i have read it all the way through once. now i am outside and around a few people. talking about where to go for the end. i hear the Mormons have under ground cities and there is one near the city of hopewell. i go to see but first i try the desert. they say don't go here but it may be a lie. i try but the wind is so strong and all i see is red dust and sand blowing. i turn back hoping i have the right direction. i decide to try hopewell. the door is closing. people inside are calm. i try to dig a hole where the door was. i am getting it open. others run and help me. they get in. i turn to look for someone. i see the storm coming. i turn back and one last person gets in. i scream for them to grab my hands and pull me in. if she gets me i can be sucked right inside. she tires. the cave closes and i am left outside. i run into the night and a dry field and see a narrow road. i follow it but it is not a road. where will it lead. i don't know. i turn back.
i had a dream 2 nights ago that i was in church helping sojourner truth. i assumed it was a play on names and i was helping for truth.
the dream: i am dressing up like sojouner truth. i look in [deceased last year] grandma's closet for an old purse and i find one. then i see grandma. can i borrow this? yes. i meet up with ms truth and we walk to a church. she hands me a dozen or so gold coins. she puts a smaller less shiny one on top. we are in church and the basket is passed. when i drop in my coins in everyone looks. they think i am rich. ms truth doesn't want people to know she gives the money. i need more of those small coins. i wonder if the usher will give me change. i need ten pennies for one coin. he thinks he has some. instead of pences he gives me pennies. i had these already. oh well. ms truth leaves. i go to my next church. wait, wasn't i supposed to do this only on sundays? that makes more sense. i will have more money to give for women to vote.
and the third dream:
end of the world
i am in Florida on the beach. world will end soon. people are watching to the east. should i return to mississippi? they are blocking the state line so people can't get in. they will shoot them. what if wild animals cross? that is ok. how cruel. people stuck on state line will die. i see the end coming. i run and try to find a place to be. i see a cross and run up to it. i am with a few people and we make a circle and pray. others look at us like we are crazy. end of the world comes. we are ok. people are missing. i go into a building that is a school. in this new life i am a teacher. i never liked kids before. the new kids are well behaved they say. i don't think so. i try to teach but they don't listen. i walk around the school. there are different designs in the new world. nice. fun. school is built circular. how do i get out? a boy says you are close right here. i leave.
there is one theme also common in two of the dreams last night"
1. people caught in the water by a guard rail. all lined up along the rail and can't get free. i see the end coming.
2. people stuck on state line will die. i see the end coming
