I have been married for 19 years to a wonderful man. Lately, I have been having vivid dreams about my high school boyfriend, who broke up with me in 1975—yes, that long ago! It was very painful for me, and over the last 25 years, I have had many rejection dreams about him: I can’t get ahold of him, he can’t hear me on the phone, he’s supposed to meet me but he doesn’t show up.

I’ve always taken these dreams in stride. There were probably 6-7 years in there when I suffered several miscarriages that I didn’t dream about him at all, perhaps because I had real things to worry about. Then the rejection dreams started again last year.

Now, lately, the dreams have changed so that he is IN the dreams, and I can talk to him. In the dreams, I am thrilled to see him, and he pays attention to me. In last night’s dream he and I were at my parent’s home, my extended family was there, and so were my two boys. My husband didn’t seem to be there.

In the dream, the boyfriend and I aren’t involved sexually or anything, but when I wake up I feel completely guilty that I have been dreaming of him, and in particular that I am so happy to see him in my dreams.

This boyfriend lives in my parents’ hometown. I haven’t seen him for at least 12 years, we don’t exchange xmas cards or anything, and we have no contact. Why in the world am I still dreaming about this guy? Is it because of unresolved issues of rejection? If so, what can I do to make these dreams go away?


—Alice, Age 44, Married, USA




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