I have recurring dreams about my ex-lover. We have been apart for eight months (together 17 months) and I ended the relationship because he had issues with commitment. He was commitment-phobic. I believe I have moved past a lot of the pain the relationship caused, but there will always be a part of me that will care about him and appreciate his wonderful qualities. I understand now, however, that he is not capable of a romantic love type of relationship.

For the past two months, I’ve been debating having a friendship with him. But I’m carefully thinking this through, because I do not want to make the wrong move. At the same time, part of me is having a difficult time completely letting him go and shutting the door. Sometimes, it hurts more not to be his friend, because there is a part of my heart that cares for him deeply.

I have recurring dreams about him that range from us just chatting to me being married and pregnant with his child. They are pleasant dreams. One time I had a surprising dream that I was asking his father why he couldn’t commit to me.

My latest dream took place this morning. I dreamt we were communicating via email, trying to rebuild a friendship with each other. I sent him an email. He was excited to speak to me again and sent me a small, beautiful, rare gift through the email. I remember the gift was stone gems on a piece of cardboard-like material. The stone gems were arranged in the shape of a fish. I was touched and responded. He responded and sent me a similar gift. After this point, we just carried on and were very happy to speak to one another again.



—Kathy, Age 26, Single, USA




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